It is something we all contemplate and talk about: “I just need time to heal.”, “This has been so healing.”, or “I’ve healed so much since then”.  Healing is such a positive thing.  In fact, I think it is something we all strive for.  We want to release the hurt, the pain, and the past.  If we could just let go of what holds us back or of these wounds we carry within us, then everything would be better.  But what if these things are what guide us to where we are going? As a yoga teacher, I frequently remind students that they are exactly where they are supposed to be.

Is that true?

Yes, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  It was not that long ago that my meditation teacher, davidji, shared this idea from Louise Hay in his monthly Mindshift lesson: this day is perfect because every day leading up to this day was also perfect.  He shared the analogy of bricks in the foundation of a structure.  If one starts removing bricks from the past, no matter how beautiful the structure you created is, it will be weakened and will eventually fall.  Every moment of your life has led to this moment.  Every moment of your past, as negative as it seemed at the time, is a brick in who you are today and who you are becoming.

My thoughts on healing:

I feel like healing implies being fragmented or insufficient.  Yet, I don’t think that is true.  I believe we all are just wearing glasses of perception that cloud our vision.  In our healing journey, we are not returning to wholeness but awakening to the fact that it was always there.  Healing is akin to removing some crazy patterned wall paper from a wall in your home.  Remove the paper and you begin to reveal what the home originally looked like.  You are rediscovering the real you.  It’s as if there are parts of you hidden by other layers of paint, covered by some random artwork, or even a strategically placed carpet.  Although in home ownership we may use these things to hide old paint colors, a hole in the wall, or a carpet stain, nothing changes the fact that those things lay beneath.

In life we tend to lose who we really are because it fades away.  Over time, we hide these pieces of ourselves that we don’t like, pieces that left us vulnerable, that someone else said they didn’t like, or maybe even pieces that we weren’t ready to embrace.  Here I am, almost 46, and I am slowly restoring my perspective of who I am.  In my younger years, although I believed otherwise, I was fully capable, beautiful, and able to face change.  Yet, my younger self put up obstacles that prevented me from seeing these parts of myself.  With the false belief that I was shy, ugly, and afraid of change, I ended up living my life that way.  I played the part that I believed I was given.

So, let’s start remembering.

I’ve said it many times: I’ve healed so much!  But, as time passes and I learn more and more, I know that it is not healing; IT IS REMEMBERING.  The more I touch these pieces of myself, the more I realize that being shy was just a layer of paint on my wall. 

Have you ever seen those shows where they rip up the carpet to find the most beautiful hardwood floor underneath?  Why on earth would anyone cover up such a beautiful thing?  There was a need or a want at the time.  Perhaps, the carpet was placed to protect the wood (maybe from a dog), to avoid needed TLC (having the floor resurfaced), or projecting a look outwards (wanting the room to appear a certain way).  But in all the years that the carpet was there, not a moment passed that the floor wasn’t wood.  It was just buried.

Ultimately, it can be hard to tell who the real you is.  Our views of ourselves and others are riddled with false perceptions.  We take what we see and assume it is true.  Prior to the start of remembering who I really was, I had a hard time seeing the good in myself.  Honestly, I find this to be so true for so many people.  We doubt ourselves and have a low self-worth.  I was my own worst critic.  Words like, “I’m so stupid!” flowed so easily into my thoughts or out my mouth. But, I am happy to say that has all changed. 

How you ask?

Well, it started by realizing that I deserved to be treated better.  It took years and years of me allowing myself to be a doormat, in many aspects of my life, to discover that I am better than that!  It took quite a bit for me to see this.  Have you ever heard that similar things will keep happening to you until you start acting differently?  Well, it is SO true.  After years and years, I finally decided that I DO deserve more.  I at least certainly knew the I didn’t deserve THAT.  In that very moment of making the decision that I deserved more, my life has never been the same.

From that moment, my beliefs shifted to “Who am I?  What do I like?  What do I need?”  And, my heart told me that I needed love from me.  I needed to take all this energy and love that I had been hemorrhaging outwards and redirect it inwards.  I needed to reconnect with myself.  In this time of learning about amour de soi (or, Love of Self) I began to change.  It helped to have incredible friends at my side reminding me of who I was and encouraging me on this new path.  In the process, so many veils began to fall away in regards to who I thought I was and what I was capable of.   

But, how did we get here?

The events of our past shape who we are today.  It is usually very early on that our parents and families growing up cause us to start layering on the paint and covering up the wood floor.  It is through necessity as small children that we find ways to deal with the pains of life or how to acquire what we need in order to feel loved.  We still use these same thought processes and strategies today. 

Do you want to continue to operate as an adult with your knee jerk reactions based on the five year old version of you?  It’s a pretty powerful question.  You can start making decisions now that will begin to allow the facades to start to crack and crumble.  Like my Dream Coach and Life Coach mentor Sonia Ovenden said, “Start noticing what you notice”.  I think my most quoted Abraham Hicks is, “Words do not teach at all.  It is life experience that brings you your knowing.”  Words can direct us in a positive way, but we never really, truly know until we have lived it. And, it is your connection to the awareness of how you feel that brings it all together.

So, how do we break the cycle of these knee jerk reactions?

As you live life moment to moment, you can bring your attention to the here and now.  You can notice your emotions, your actions, and your thoughts.  They all matter!  Ask yourself why you reacted the way you did.  Cut off those judgmental words you were about to say to yourself and replace them with the loving words you would share with a dear friend.  Catch yourself in spiraling negative thoughts and remind yourself that you are thinking (A great tip from the incredible Pema Chodron!).  You will be amazed how just saying the word ‘thinking’ will stop a flood of thoughts.  Or, ask yourself, “What should I think about next?”  That question always brings a wave of mental silence.  And then, find something to be grateful for.  Allow gratitude and appreciation to change the momentum of your thoughts.

Remembering takes time.

And please remember, change takes time.  Celebrate the small wins.  Every little piece that you become aware of shakes the false perceptions built up around you.  Over time, your awareness becomes so keen.  I am so, so aware of my words, thoughts, and actions all the time.  It may not be right in the moment (although many times it is) but it is not long after.  And, with awareness comes change.  With change comes transformation.  With transformation you will find who you really are, the divine being you have always been. 

Let’s lean into change!

So, go out there and live life!  But, start asking: why do certain situations trigger you?  Why do certain people cause you to tense up?  What are your typical reactions to situations?  Why do you think that is?  What’s repeating?  Can you find a pattern in your life that is pointing to learning something about yourself?  Get to know who you really are by asking how you feel and what it is that you need in this moment.  And, please know that your healing is just remembering who you really are: 

You can begin by allowing and accepting the unconditional love you have for yourself.  Gift yourself the kind words, soft hugs, and encouragement that a loving parent would give you.  No one can love you as much as you can love yourself. 

Give it a try.  You won’t regret it!  How will you pour love into yourself today? Share your favorite ways to invest in your own well being in the Comments or on social media!